I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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