I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
