I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
