He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
