So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
When are your genitals available?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
