Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
