you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
