i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Randomize
