I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
