I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
