bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
