I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
