I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
