are you still at the devil's house?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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