Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
