Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Drake has all the answers
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
