Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
