You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
