I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
