I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
