just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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