I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
