You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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