so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Randomize
