Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
