She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Small penises have feelings too.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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