help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Did I show you my penis last night?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
