I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
