dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
