party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
