i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize