I think I am morally bankrupt
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
cat food counts as protein by the way
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize