If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
