My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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