His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
