I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
The uberlube is also flammable
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
