hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Is it because I queefed?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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