You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
