Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
