She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
