i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
