You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
