I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
