I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
