Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
