I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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