how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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