Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
