so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
