she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
