It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
