last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
