She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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