when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
