We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
