I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
