Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Randomize
