also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
