A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Ketchup is God's man juice
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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