Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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