ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize