the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Randomize
