She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
