If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
