I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
so let's talk penis.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
