he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
