we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
