its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
