That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
