I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
