My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
