Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize