i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
