i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
