ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
