I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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