U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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