chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
