So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
