i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
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