census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
My ATM looks so different sober.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
