We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize