Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
