Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
