when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
