Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
