if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
