HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize