I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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