Your tits are I can't wait for
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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